my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
even my farts smell like vagina
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
