remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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