One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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