The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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