Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
