Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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