Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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