The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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