you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
