i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I am available for nakedness
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