Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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