did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Porn is love you can see.
i just google imaged poop.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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