I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
