i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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