my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The struggles of a small town man whore
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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