U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize