What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
