Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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