Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
