she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
