I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
