Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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