allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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