Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
