You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
