Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
