my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
