Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
