it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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