because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
