It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
