Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
