He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
