Say something about gay babies.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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