I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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