i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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