His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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