Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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