shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
