dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
