i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
