I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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