Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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