If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
