I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
