So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
