Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
