We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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