Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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