My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
