you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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