He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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