***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
