So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize