wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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