I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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