why didn't you poke me back
My first STD was from a foam party
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
