I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
