I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
