I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
