i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
