oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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