I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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