And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think people are normalizing furries
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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